What do I have control over?

I don't know why I have cancer, and neither do the doctors. It's just one of those things that happen. Before I got sick, I've had a very healthy and active lifestyle. I've always tried to live my life with high moral standards and believed in universal karma. I've come to understand that sometimes the good and bad don't always balance out. Sometimes terrible things happen to good people as a result of no fault of their own. Life is unfair like that.

We don't have control over the awful things that happen and the deep pain that we experience, but what we do have control over is our attitude towards it. We can either go through life bitter and angry at the world, or we can accept the fact that something bad has happened to us, and move forward. I've chosen to do the latter. Don't get me wrong. I definitely have moments when I'm feeling down, but I try not to let those feelings take over my life because in the end feeling sorry for myself doesn't change anything.

I always thought that everything happened for a reason. I don't know if that's true anymore. Perhaps there is no important life lesson in all this. What am I suppose to take from this experience then? I'm not sure, but I can make it meaningful for me.

Throughout my life, I've always been very school oriented. Consequently, that didn't leave me much time for family and friends. As I got older, I let more time let slip by and unintentionally put those important people on the back burner. Having to abandon my dreams of a Ph.D. in Philadelphia, and returning to California for treatment of my cancer allowed me to rekindle these relationships. During this whole ordeal, I've had wonderful support from my amazing friends, my caring family, and my loving boyfriend. I'm so grateful to be surrounded by people who give me the courage to stay strong and help see me through this. This is what meaning I take.

Two of my close friends, Amy and Tammy, sent me beautiful fruit bouquets from Edible Arrangements. I'm not sure if you've ever noticed, but aside from the delicious fruit, kale is used as the greens at the base. Although it has a slightly bitter taste, it's very nutritional. I thought I wouldn't like it at all, but turns out, my taste buds love it.

Krispy "Kale" Chips (Courtesy of Melissa d'Arabian)

• 1 head kale
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• Sea salt
• Black pepper 

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 275 degrees F.
2. Washed and thoroughly dry kale. Remove the ribs and cut leaves into 1 1/2-inch pieces. 
3. Place leaves in a large bowl. Drizzle with olive oil. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Toss until completely coated. 
4. Arrange leaves in a single layer on a baking sheet . 
5. Bake approximately 10 minutes, or until crisp. 
6. Remove from oven. Turn the leaves and bake for additional 10 minutes, or until crisp. 
7. Serve as finger food. 

Chefs's Note: To ensure the kale chips remain crisp, place in sealed container. 

Uncooked kale leaves seasoned with olive oil, salt, black pepper (left). Kale chips (right). 

Cycle 2 - Carb Loading

I finished my 2nd cycle of chemo, and I'm now back at home. A cycle consists of 1 week in the hospital for my chemo treatment and 2 weeks at home resting. In total, I'll have 6 cycles. During this stay, the combination of all the stress and side effects of the medications on my body caused me to have low blood pressure, and I fainted in the shower.

In all honesty, I never thought that something like that would happen. This seems to be a recurring theme. Even though I knew to watch out for lightheadedness, and blurred/gray out vision, by the time I realized what was happening, it was already too late. It was a really scary experience, and the last thought I had was I need to unlock the bathroom door so that someone can find me. Thank goodness I was able to do that, and that someone did.

Considering what happened, I came out pretty lucky. I only had a few stitches on my chin and a bump on my head, and nothing more serious. I suppose me being unlucky and lucky goes hand in hand. In addition to the battle scars, I received the fancy yellow "fall risk" bracelet and socks and was confined to the bed for the rest of my hospital stay. I'm hoping that the 3rd cycle will be less exciting than the last one. I need some boring in my life.

On another note, I've really enjoyed eating toasted bread lately. I've found that it makes a good pairing with many foods such as peanut butter, eggs, and deli meats. With my lack of appetite, increasing my nutritional intake any way I can is a good thing. Plus, it seems to keep my nausea at bay and my tummy happy.

Bruschetta with Gorgonzola Cheese & Honey (Courtesy of Giada De Laurentiis)

• 1 loaf baguette bread 
• 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil 
• 8 ounces Gorgonzola 
• 3 tablespoons honey 

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. 
2. Slice baguette into 1/2-inch thick diagonal slices. 
3. Brush bread with olive oil. Arrange on sheet pan in a single layer. 
4. Bake approximately 10 minutes until golden brown and crisp. 
5. Remove from oven and place cheese on toast. Bake for additional 3 minutes or until cheese is melted. 
6. Drizzle toast with honey. Serve immediately. 

Goodbye Hair

For the past several days, I've experienced the worst side effects of chemo. Chunks of my hair have fallen out, and my scalp has been very itchy and extremely tender. The only thing that temporary alleviates this pain is oxycontin, which I'm sure the doctors do not approve of. .

The reason that this is happening is because the drug targets both cancer cells & healthy cells. The hair follicles are destroyed, and are unable to divide as normal to produce hair cells. As the hair continues to fall out, the scalp is less protected from environmental factors, further irritating the skin. Not all individuals who undergo chemo necessarily lose their hair, and it depends on the type and dose given. I just happen to be one of the lucky ones.

Due to the excessive annoyance of having my hair fall out and the severe scalp pain, I bit the bullet and had my wonderful barber (my sister) shave it all off. I'm glad that I ended up doing it because my head definitely feels much better now. It does make me sad not having hair, but since I've been through this before, it's not as devastating or traumatic. Plus, I know that this is temporary, and that my hair will grow back in full force. I already brought out my wigs, hats, and bandannas, so despite not having hair, I'll still be looking super chic this summer.

On that note, I'd like to wish everyone a Happy Memorial Day Weekend! Thank you to all the men and women who are serving or have served in the armed forces. It is because of your sacrifices that I am able to enjoy our freedoms that is unparalleled to anywhere else in the world.

I decided to have some fun and had my sister give me a mohawk. She did a great job! 

Cycle 1 - H2O

The most noticeable thing that has changed with my taste buds is water. During the first few days of chemo, I was able to drink water only if it was flavored. However, towards the last days, I found it impossible to drink water as it has a really yucky metallic taste. The exact reason isn't quite clear, but it's believed to be the result of the damage to the oral cavity cells. And so to remedy this situation, I ended up diluting everything with juice.

You're probably wondering why is it important to drink lots of water? Having my body hydrated allows the organs to function better. This is critical since many of the organ and its systems work together to filter and remove waste and toxins from the body. In addition, drinking plenty of water reduces the side effects of the chemo drugs. Contrary to belief, it does not dilute the chemo in your system, and cause the drug to lose its ability to kill cancer cells. 

Natural Homemade Infused Water 

• Citrus slices (lemon, lime, grapefruit, orange)
• Muddled herbs (ginger, mint, lemongrass, rosemary, parsley)
• Cucumbers slices
• Crushed berries (raspberry, blueberries, strawberries, cranberry, pomegranate) 
• Fruit slices/chunks (apple, kiwi, pineapple, watermelon, mango, cantaloupe, honeydew, cherries) 
• Edible flowers (lavender)

Directions

1. Fill up cup/pitcher with ice water. 
2. Add in desired fruit and/or herbs (may be fresh/frozen). 
3. Refrigerate to allow maximal infusion. 

If you're feeling more adventurous, try these combinations: 

• Grapefruit/orange
• Pomegranate/blueberry
• Cranberry/orange
• Lemon/ginger
• Mango/kiwi 
• Lime/mint 
• Orange/lime
• Cucumber/lime
• Cucumber/rosemary
• Grapefruit/lime/orange

Some sparkle and fun: 

• Club soda, seltzer water, tonic water, or alcohol can be used as a substitute for water. 

Welcome!

First and foremost, thank you very much for visiting my blog. This is my first time doing this, so please bear with me.

My name is Vy Nguyen, and I'm a 26 year old female living in California. I finished my undergraduate studies at UC Santa Barbara, and my graduate studies at Drexel University.

I was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, monophasic synovial sarcoma on February 14, 2011 (yes, Valentine's Day). The plan was to undergo neoadjuvant treatment before surgery, and finish with additional radiation, and chemotherapy. However, I was unable to complete all of my post-operative treatments because I became severely neutropenic, and had septic shock. If you need living proof that miracles exist, me being alive is it.

Not too long after my time in the ICU, I discovered that the cancer has metasized to my lungs, and that I'll need to undergo chemotherapy treatment all over again. Hopefully, this time around will be much better than the last. Despite everything that has happened, I'm very grateful for my wonderful family, boyfriend, and friends.

I started this blog to document the changes of my taste buds as I undergo chemotherapy treatment. It's not meant to be a serious blog about my cancer, but it may change. Whatever I do end up discussing, I'll always try my best to keep it lighthearted and fun because laughing is better than the alternative.